I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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