last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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