Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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