I am puke
Do vagina's smell?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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