i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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