she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
