i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
