If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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