why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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