New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
