I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
