You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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