remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
