Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
