I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
