I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
