The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
