I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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