I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
