ugly people sure do ruin things
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
