who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
