New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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