i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
