I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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