my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
