my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
there is puke in my bra ... again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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