Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
