is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
