she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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