oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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