The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
