He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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