I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
