What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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