I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
