Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not