Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.