He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"