I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.