i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
