Where did you get a picture of my penis
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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