TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
