Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
