i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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