Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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