Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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