Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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