he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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