In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
