I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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