im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
