Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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