and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
