Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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