her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
