I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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