Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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