I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
