One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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