her facebook's as public as her vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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