a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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