Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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