I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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