i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
