I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
did you just send me my own nude
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
