The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
