I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my shit smells like andre
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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