Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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