it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
