Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
