So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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