Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
