Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize