I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
