Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
