I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
